As She Sleeps
by thegoodgirldoll
Summary: I watch her. I keep a constant vigil. People are coming and going and I'm speaking with them, answering them, but my heart is numb. At night, my nightmares attack me like they always had before her. Without her by my side, they will continue their pursuit. I am lost. I'm suffocating. I'm begging her to wake. Christian's POV during Ana's unconciousness after Jack Hyde's assault.
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's Note: I decided to investigate Christian's feelings as Ana is unconscious after Jack Hyde's assault in Fifty Shades Freed. I will use different quotes from him that she heard as she slipped in and out of consciousness in the hospital, and I will elaborate on them and show why I feel he said them/how he felt. **_

_**Enjoy, and please review!**_

_**God Bless,**_

_**Sarah.**_

"_No, Dad. I want to be here when she wakes up."_

Sleep coaxed my eyelids to fall often that first night. I had been fighting my nightmares off all evening and couldn't bring myself to fall into slumber. It was difficult sleeping without her beside me when I had become so accustomed to it. Languidly, she'd stretch next to me at night. Gingerly, she would grab my shoulders or waist and cuddle me. That's a word she had always used deep into the night whenever both of us happened to awake at the same time- _cuddle. _She loved that word. Oh, how she loved the flowers and hearts of a typical, romantic love. I smiled slightly, watching her short and even breaths. It was late Thursday night; fast approaching Friday morning. The clock next to her nightstand read somewhere between eleven fifty or eleven fifty-eight- I could not tell. The numbers were blurry; she was blurry. My whole world was in a haze.

I had meandered down the hallways quite a few times, catching up with my family, filling in her friends and father on her progress, and just taking quick breaths of air away from her. No, I didn't want to leave her- at all- but it was necessary for my sanity to leave at least for a few moments every few hours. Four solid hours now, though, I had been by her side. I grasped her hand in a tight hold, keeping it warm and safe in my own. I wish I could feed her. I wish I could speak with her. What mattered now, though, was that I be here with her when she awoke. What mattered was that I was the first face she saw. I needed her to know that she was safe and that I was here for her. I had messed up so many times already in the short months we had known one another and I owed it to her to keep a faithful vigil by her bed. The nurses had assured me that she should wakeup soon but how could they be so sure? Of course this bit of information gave me hope, but at what cost would it be that I rely on that hope? I couldn't believe that she'd be perfectly fine and then be let down. I was preparing myself for the worst but praying, for the first time ever, for the best.

I rubbed a gentle thumb over her arm and up to her shoulder, finding the hospital gown's tightly knotted straps and furrowing my brows.

"This won't do." I mumbled.

So as to keep her from any pain the uncomfortably tight knotting would cause, I made short work of the ties and let the sleeve fall from her shoulder to the half-point of her arm.

"Better, love?" I whispered quietly to the darkness in the room.

There was no response.

I hadn't been expecting one.

With a shaking hand I held her fingers against my own once more, raising them to my lips to plant a soft kiss there. I ran the pad of my thumb over her knuckles, sealing in the kiss and warming them.

"Why didn't you tell me you were going after him?"

I was glad she couldn't hear me. My voice was wrought with emotion and you could hear it falling apart almost as much as my heart was on the inside. My question was the pressing, million-dollar question, though, wasn't it? _Why hadn't she told me? _I was supposed to be able to _protect _her and be in _control. _But I had lost all control in this situation. I always lost control when it came to her. Anastasia Steele. Mrs. Grey: my completely _stupid _yet cunningly _smart _wife. How in the world was she both? I had never met someone who could act so ridiculous yet be so headstrong and one step ahead. She did amaze me often, though. She amazed me every day.

It had been a long evening of travelling and anxiety. When I had figured out what was really going on with Ana, my heart felt as though it was being slit open incredibly slow and there was nothing I could do to stop its bleeding. That's what I did in my life, though; that's what I practiced- control and taking care of myself. I had committed to taking care of her too, yet she hadn't even trusted me enough to tell me that Mia was in danger; that she was going after her. Why wouldn't she trust that I had a plan? Why wouldn't she have faith in her boss's boss's boss? She knew that I always had a game plan. She was sure that I always had a course of action. Yet somehow, in this situation, I had been clueless. I had been _blind _and unsure of what was unfolding before me.

I knew deep inside that the most vital part of being a Dominant was being in control and being able to care for whomever I took as my Submissive. Whilst Ana was not my Submissive, I still had a compulsive, undying need to protect her with every fiber of my being. I had failed, though. I had failed _again _with her. I had never been used to being this vulnerable. There was a deeper desire that I held for her than just what my flesh felt and needed. I held a deeper respect and regard for her than any of the Submissives I had taught and controlled in the past. I glanced down at the floor as my thoughts plagued me. My eyes hazed over with icy, fierce grey and my eyelashes cast a dark shadow on my cheek. Clenching my jaw tight, I continued to stare at the tile floor, counting the small specks and occupying my thoughts.

It didn't last for long, staring at the ground, because all I wanted to do was stare at her. My eyes found her once more and I watched the rise of her chest wearily, praying that it wouldn't stop. Paranoid that I would lose her- as I always felt- I scooted the chair closer to her bed and wished that I could curl my body around her, hold her in my arms, kiss her neck and take the pain away. I couldn't, though. No kisses or cuddling could comfort her now. My need to possess, control, and overtake every part of her beautiful body could not fix the problems that were before us now. I couldn't run and hide by resting my head against her chest. I couldn't bury myself in her and forget my worries any longer. I gave her hand a firmer squeeze as the clock slipped to twelve thirty and then allowed my eyes to slip closed. With one last uttering for the night, I willed her to wakeup.

"I love you, Ana," I mumbled, my words falling into the darkness and becoming lost on her ears. "I'll be waiting for you in the morning."

Then, curling up on the hospital chair as comfortably as I could, I fell into a fitful sleep; into another one of my deep nightmares. And as my mind overtook my heart that so desperately wanted to stay awake with her, I stumbled onto the floor. Suddenly, I was lying with my mother, brushing the hair from her eyes and keeping my own tears at bay. My stomach lurched uncomfortably. I was hungry. So hungry.

And the worst yet?

Ana was not by my side. She was fluctuating between consciousness and unconsciousness and I was trapped, fighting blindly to find her hand; her body curled around mine. I willed her to pull me from my nightmare, but she couldn't. Not this time.


	2. Chapter 2

"_I was so angry." It's almost a sob. _

My mother envelopes me in a tight hug and all I hear is her soft voice- reassuring me; holding me. She rubs her hand on my shoulder, careful not to stray too far down my back. She's seen my reactions. She knows how to handle me. I stand transfixed; numb. I am broken, and not _only _broken, but aching. My world is falling through my fingers at an increasingly slow; painstakingly horrifying rate. Ana had dipped in and out of consciousness all night. She has yet to fully open her eyes or eat. She hasn't used the restroom or moved around. I try to trust the doctors but it is hard for me to trust anyone but myself. I can't imagine how a life like this could be good for our child. The staff assures me that both her and Blip are fine.

"I'm going to grab you some coffee, Christian-"

"-No, Mom. Stay." My words are out of my mouth before I realize, and as my mother pulls away, I see her soft smile.

"Are you ready to be a father?" Her words change pace quicker than I can overcome my moment of vulnerability.

It isn't so much of one moment, though, anymore…It has been every moment; every second since she was knocked unconscious. My fingertips can still feel the escaping heat of her body on them as I reached out to touch her on the ground. She had been so cold against the ground- cold from being so exposed and fragile. My world had fallen of its axis in that moment. It has yet to right itself.

"No." My response is honest.

Honest as it is, though, it is frightening. I'm _not _ready to be a father. I don't know how to be a daddy. I'm a Dominant. I'm a lover.

I've thought about Blip a lot over the past hours. I have worried for him or her and I have feared for their life. I haven't really given the parenting thing a thought, though.

"You learn," she responds with ease and assurance. "You _will _get there."

"You sound so sure," I smile wryly, taking my seat beside Ana's bed once more. "I'm a double-edge sword, Mom. There are two incredibly different sides of me. I am a weapon against this child; a danger."

"You're no danger, Christian."

"How do you know?" My tone is clipped.

I grasp Ana's hand to divert myself from the defensive anger bubbling in my chest.

"Because I am a mother, and one day you will know what to tell your child because-"

"-I'll be a father," I whispered. "I know."

"I've hated your intensity for so long, Christian, but this vulnerability doesn't agree with you."

It's her attempt at a joke. I appease her with a laugh.

"It isn't my thing, no," I agree. "I can't turn it off, though. It's oddly…_painful._"

My admission of such inner turmoil comes as a shock to me. My feelings are out in the open. It has never been this way.

"Why were you angry with her?"

I tense, gripping the railing of Ana's bed as I mull over that night. I had yelled and called her _stupid; _I had walked out on her. The same fear that I had always had with her- the walking out- is something I had never thought I would do myself. I hadn't been prepared for my body to turn to the door; to really leave her. How did I bear such a burden that night? My heart had been throbbing, but it hadn't stopped me. The pain had been evident, but the pain of uncertainty and no control had gripped my heart even tighter- I had needed to get away. I couldn't be a father.

Part of me had thought that running away would have made it less real, taken it away, even. The reality had still been there, though. The truth was terribly evident: I had a pregnant wife waiting for me at home. Heavy with alcohol and contended with my decision to cut Elena from my life for good, I had gone home to her. I had headed home and stumbled in, reeking of booze and completely tussled emotionally and physically. I must have looked a mess, but she had undressed me and put me to bed. She played mother, for a moment, and I relished in the feeling of being taken care of. One day she would care for our child the same.

I smiled softly.

"Smiling?" My mother's voice brought me back to reality.

I waved her away with a quick hand motion.

"Nothing, Mom. It's nothing. I'm viewing that cup of coffee as a fantastic idea now." I spoke pointedly, watching her in expectation.

She laughed and nodded, rubbing her palm across the side of my face. I grasped her hand in my own and pressed my lips to the side of her thumb.

"I have it covered, son."

"Thank you."

When she left, I was alone to my thoughts once more. I hesitated, but decided to sit on the edge of Ana's bed. Gently, and making sure I didn't crush her legs, I sat beside her and ran my hand along her thigh.

"I miss you in every way possible, Mrs. Grey."

A dark gleam cast over my eyes as I stared at her. The deep desire that surged for this woman in the lowest parts of my insides drove me mad. How could one person elicit so much emotion in one being? Lust burst forth inside of me, clenching my heart in a thick warmth and need. I couldn't have her. I couldn't have her and it was killing me. Standing, I leaned over her, holding my tie back with a flat hand against my chest. Stooping down, I settled for a chaste kiss to her forehead.

"You have made _me_ insatiable, Mrs. Grey." I murmured, brushing my lips against her own.

I grinned at their warmth and stepped back to stop these feelings from overtaking me. Bed rest. The doctor's orders had been strict, and I needed to follow procedure. I needed her safe and well.

For once, I would be the one to obey.


	3. Chapter 3

"_And the baby?" The words are anguished, breathless. _

"_The baby's fine, Mr. Grey."_

"_Oh, thank God." The words are a litany…A prayer. "Oh, thank God." _

The clock's hand is steady but seems hardly moving. Time is trickling by so slowly.

And I'm waiting.

I'm waiting.

I'm waiting for her to wakeup; I'm waiting to know that she is really okay. I want to see with my own eyes that she can be up, sitting and speaking with me. I want to hear her voice and hold her face in my hands. I want her to kiss me back when my lips meet hers. For now, she can do none of this, though. I am waiting. Fucking waiting.

The room is so silent that I can practically hear the clock hand's movement. It is a gentle lullaby, reminding me that time is still moving though it seems to be inching by slower than ever. It is reminding me that she is alive- that I am that much closer to the moment when she will wake again.

I had been able to get up today, move around more and meet my mother who brought me some clothes and coffee. She's a sweet woman; too kind. I don't deserve her. I'm stroking Ana's hair absentmindedly with my fingers, massaging her scalp and keeping the strands of hair out of her eyes. She's a beautiful woman. She's mine- both of them are. With a wary glance to her stomach, I remove my hand from her hair and watch her belly, rising and falling with her breath. The baby is not yet strong enough to kick, but I know it's in there- my son or daughter. Carefully, I take my hand and sprawl my fingers over her stomach. I keep my hand there- protecting my child- and watch her. Ana's eyes are fluttering every once in awhile. They're beautiful. Her lashes are casting a dark glow on her cheeks, making her appear sicker than she is. It takes all I have to turn away and try to remember that she isn't that sickly…

I let my thoughts wander for a moment's time, reeling them in only when Ana moves suddenly, furrows her brows, and then evens her breathing once more. Relaxing against her pillows again, her lips settle into the semblance of a smile and I twitch my lips upward as well. I wonder idly what she's dreaming of. I let myself believe for a brief moment that she's dreaming of me, but I know this isn't true. She's smiling. If she were dreaming of me, she wouldn't be smiling. With a heavy sigh, I heave myself from my chair, removing my hand from her stomach and beginning to pace as I have been for quite some time over the course of the last seventeen hours.

I cross my arms in front of my chest, watching grimly as I study the lines on her heart monitor. Little mountains beep on and off, on and off as I stare. For five minutes I do this, watching the monitor and listening to the little noises it makes. _Blip…Blip…Beep… _

_Blip. _

My child.

The perfect little name for our perfect, miniscule baby.

"I'm glad you're okay," I spoke out loud as if the child could hear me. I had been told it could. "I'm sorry I reacted so ridiculously."

I stared at her stomach once more. I awaited an answer, but of course there would be none. My child couldn't think yet; my child could hardly hear my apology, I'm sure.

"Are you a boy or a girl?" I took a seat beside Ana's bed once more and leaned on my elbows next to her side. "I sort of wish you were neither. I don't want a son that's anything like me and I don't want a daughter that's anything like your mother."

I ran a shaky hand through my hair, mulling over the thoughts that were running through my mind.

"This is really difficult, Junior," I remarked lightly. "We weren't ready for you. You were the least of our worries."

I sit there speaking to my child for awhile. It's hard to believe that I have gained a baby just as quickly as I could have lost him or her. I had felt a stab of anger when Ana had told me that she was pregnant. I wasn't ready for that; I couldn't be a father. But then she had gone missing. She'd been hurt. And when I saw her, lying on the ground, the stab of anger rolled off me and a gut-wrenching desperation filled the inner parts of my soul. For a split second I thought she was gone; really gone. My wife and my child were dead. I wasn't prepared, but I had gripped the reality in my hands. Painful as it was, I knelt beside her and expected to find no heartbeat. But I had. I had felt her pulse, faint, but present, and I had scooped her into my arms and held her and my child close to my heart. I'm not sure I had ever experienced something so _intimate_. It was the strangest feeling I had ever felt. It was where I needed to be.

I breathed in a deep breath of air. Antiseptic and alcohol filled my mouth and I screwed up my face in disgust.

"They need a new signature scent, what do you think, Junior?"

I chuckled quietly to myself as I felt my mood lift slightly.

"I'll try to be a good Dad to you, kid," I whispered, rubbing Ana's stomach gently. "I'll try not to have too many rules for you and I'll always keep you safe. You'll have everything you need, I promise."

I felt Ana's hand twitch under my own slightly and for a moment my breath caught in my throat. She wasn't waking, though. Her hand settled back gently next to mine and I loosened up once more, directing my attention to Blip again.

"I'll try to stow my twitching palm as long as you let me approve any contracts you consider agreeing to, deal?"

My dry laughter filled the room as I rolled my eyes. This was insanity and I needed sleep. I'd settle in on the chair once more and wait for her to wake. They had mentioned that with all the slight movement, she may be awake by morning. Holding onto this, I looked forward to what day break would bring. Even if she was awake, though, it would be another nine months before I was able to meet our child and be sure that they were okay as well.

It was always that way. I always had to fucking wait.

Relinquishing control for the night, at least, I turned off the dim light over the bed and curled into the chair next to her as comfortably as possible. I was used to manipulating my body- it wasn't a hard fit.

"Goodnight, Mrs. Grey." I mumbled.

And with that, I was plunged into the depths of my mind once more.


	4. Chapter 4

"_Oh, Mom, why won't she wake up?" His voice cracks. "I nearly lost her." _

"In time, sweetheart," my Mom whispers. "In time."

"To hell with time," I nearly shout, standing violently and clenching my teeth. "I want her awake and I want her awake _now._"

My eyes are shinning with anger but my mother simply continues to stare at me with love. Eventually, her ease takes me over and I move warily to slump into my chair once more.

"Why won't she just open her eyes?"

I'm haunted by her gentle breathing and darkness. She's so immobile; so fragile and pale.

"She can't," she stated simply. "She's healing."

"While I'm breaking apart."

My dark thoughts envelope me like an old friend, and as my mother kisses my forehead and mumbles something I do not hear before she leaves, I give into them.

It has been nearly twenty hours now. The sun is not yet up, but soon, it will be. It will cast its orange glow into this room and breathe life into it. It will help cover me in warmth- a warmth I haven't felt since holding her in my arms what seemed like so long ago. I crossed one leg over the other, leaning my elbow on the chair's arm and sighing heavily. My Blackberry vibrated in my pocket and I grabbed it out angrily.

"_What?"_ I snapped into the phone.

I heard Taylor's intake of breath as he quickly responded: "Just checking in on the Mrs., sir."

"She isn't awake." My response came cooler than I had hoped for it to. I could envision Taylor nodding mutely as he hung up.

That's what I did. I pushed and pushed until the people I loved where pushed so far away that they didn't bother me anymore. Taylor always came back, though- he always bounced right back. My mother and father had always tried over and over when I pushed farther as well. Anastasia had even come back…Once. She had come back once, was all…Would she come back to me again? I knew deep down that somehow she would find a way. She was a fighter; she was my strong, beautiful woman. She had never ceased to amaze me.

She aimed to please constantly.

I gripped her hand in my own and placed feather-light kisses along her knuckles. I ran the pad of my thumb over her cold, smooth nail. She upheld herself well and groomed beautifully. Her body was perfect. She was a Siren I had never hadn't had the luck to meet sooner.

How different would my life be if I had lost her; if she had died at that bastard's hands? How would I have coped? I could never get another Submissive. I could never find a woman as good as her. She was the only light in my life that brought true meaning. She forced me to realize the depth of my own soul- the love that I had- and that I wasn't that grimy, little boy any longer. I was a grown, prestigious, kind-hearted man. _Kind-hearted…_So she says. Ana claims something that I have never believed: _that I have a heart at all_.

She would know. She's the only one that has touched it. The inner parts of her soul are more beautiful than any woman I have ever met. It's what captivated me. Her inner and outer beauty- during that meeting- was what sealed my fate. She was awkward, uncoordinated, and gorgeous. Simply gorgeous. She was a sight for sore eyes. She was a sight for a sore, sore heart.

She had been a healing salve for every wound that had been imbedded deep within me all of my life. Her words were a deep reassurance of love and hope. Her body was a temple that I wanted to praise forever. She was the epitome of radiance. She was mine. Bitter tears sprung forth to my eyes and I clutched the side of her bed sheets in my hand.

"Oh, Ana, please," the words stung at the back of my throat. "Please wake up."

My breathless, desperate plea rang out through the room and in a wave of emotion, I found myself throwing my head against the side of her bed, nuzzling into her thigh and taking in deep, calming breaths. My tears were no longer being kept at bay, but falling freely down my cheeks. I rested my right hand on her leg as my left remained holding her own hand. I had done so much to deserve this, but she had done nothing. She didn't deserve to be hurt for my mistakes. She didn't deserve to be unconscious because of a man that loathed me and not her.

Anger ate at my bones, coaxing me to stand violently once more and throw off the sheets, take her home and nurse her back to health on my own. But I couldn't. Another part of me wanted to send Taylor to slaughter Hyde- prison or not- and kill him. I couldn't go to prison myself, I knew, though- I couldn't be away from Ana. I squeezed my eyes shut and stopped the new, fresh tears that were stinging at the back of my eyes. She was safe. Our baby was safe.

That's all I could keep reminding myself for now.

With that, I closed my eyes to rest.

_"She's gone." The words found my ears in a pursuit of anger and desperation. I flung myself at him._

_ "She isn't!" I yelled to the air; into his face. "She's alive- she better be alive."_

_ "I've handled her, Grey. I've saved her from you. I've freed her."_

_ "You've injured her!" I shot back, contesting his sick lies with truth._

_ "I've killed her," he slurred. "I've killed her and it's all over. You got the family. You got the job. You got the women. I've got the beauty now- the one you actually cared about. You've taken all of that nonsense over your heart. I have your heart now. She's dead, and I want you to break the same way I have since childhood." _

_ "You couldn't have. Please. She's my everything."_

"Everything." I mumbled into the air, coming out of my nightmare with a gasp.

I ran a shaky hand through my mess of copper strands. Glancing at my watch, I saw that only an hour had passed since I had come to Ana's side and nestled up to her. I lifted my head, ignoring the throbbing pain in my neck.

"You're getting old, Grey." I smiled sardonically.

Standing, I stretched my limbs and brought feeling to my numb hands and legs once more. My phone was going off at my side once more and I yawned as I reached into my pocket to answer it.

"She's sleeping. No, not napping- she hasn't woken. Unconsciousness still, yes. I don't know, about twenty one hours and-" I glanced at my watch. "-eleven minutes. Yes I have it 'down to a science', Miss Kavanagh. Yeah, I'll have her call you _immediately_."

Despite my better judgment, I rolled my eyes and pressed the 'end' button quickly.

She was worried for her friend, I knew, but she was a little bit much to deal with at the moment. I had more important things to handle. I had to look after Ana.

I turned on my heel abruptly, watching her sleep once more. I could never tire of staring at her, but watching her sleep while my heart felt as though it would combust from the worry at any moment was going to drive me to my insanity. I needed distance. I could no longer sit. I paced the floor in front of her bed in anguish. Hands behind my back, I watched my shoes in front of me, counting my steps and turning on my heel to start all over when I had finished with one section of my pacing. What could I do to remove my mind from this room; from the fear of losing her? Was there _anything_ I could do? I wasn't so sure.

I would resolve to try and get some more sleep, but with my nightmares, it was impossible. To sleep I needed her curled next to me, and I didn't have that. I stopped my pacing, breathing in deeply as I sipped an old cup of water and took a seat on a plastic chair at the end of her bed. I looked over the chart hanging there at the bottom- it held information that I already knew. Everything about her on that board, I already knew. I smirked at the thoughts that rushed into my mind of her complaining or merely commenting on my 'stalker tendencies'. Who could help but have those tendencies when faced with such a beautiful woman? I had to keep my eyes on her; keep her close. She was mine. I couldn't let her get away. A brief moment of serenity washed over me as I realized that she was, indeed, _mine. _

Heaving a final, heavy sigh, I placed my hands on my knees and stood, beginning to pace once more where I had left off. I would count my steps. I would count until she awoke, and when she opened her eyes, she would see me standing there. She would see me at the head of her bed, a broad grin and a nervous wringing of the hands present. I would be the first person she saw, and I would be able to rush to her side in that instant and hold her.

All would be well again in that moment. All would be fixed.

All I needed in my life anymore was her.

I _would _have her again. In time.


	5. Chapter 5

"_Oh, baby, please come back to me. I'm sorry. Sorry for everything. Just wake up. I miss you. I love you…" _

I am on my feet but have ceased pacing.

Her hand had moved. I know it did. I can't be going crazy, not now when she is almost awake.

With a gentle inhale of breath, I walk toward her bed. She is lying there, not as pale as she was before, and not as sickly looking. She is still asleep, though; still fighting to wake. I grasp her hand in my own as I sit next to her and watch her breath in and out. Her chest rises and falls and I stare there momentarily before averting my gaze. I want her, but cannot have her right then. I remember that she is in the hospital and remind myself once more that she is unable to speak with me, hold me, or love me at this point in time.

"When you're finally awake you will never be tired again," I joked lightly, running my fingers over the top of her hand. "Imagine the things we could do with all of that 'awake' time."

My smirk is sudden; large, and I allow myself this moment of peace and promise. I _will _have her again, but how long must I wait for her?

My hand moves instinctively over her stomach and I sprawl my fingers over her protectively. Her body is mine, and this child is mine. I have never felt so possessive of anyone in my entire life and somehow, it feels _good. _It isn't odd for me to want such control, but to be _protecting _my _wife _and _child…_that is something new; something exhilarating. I continue to watch her as I hum the tune of my favorite piece to play on piano. How long has it been since I was home and played a melody for her to awake to? Perhaps if I was playing now, her eyes would open; she would realize my melancholy and return to me. But I know that it isn't in her power right now. It isn't up to her when she comes back to me, it is up to her body; up to God. I do not often pray, but Grace has encouraged me to many times. I should try it, but I am exhausted. Instead, I mumble once more how much I wish for her to awake. Whoever is listening can do with that request what they wish.

"I wonder what we will name you," I muse, looking at her stomach. She is still toned thus far; flat and lean. "I suppose we will need to know your gender first."

Her body is taunt and beautiful; milky white and precious to me. Soon, she will be heavier; round while carrying our baby. But I won't mind- not in the slightest- because she is the most beautiful woman I have ever met. Besides, I have other places to look than her stomach; other areas to spend time exploring. I'm needy today; wanting. I miss her and the way she has made me feel for months now. She hasn't stopped being the salve that my heart needed; hasn't stopped being the beauty to my beast within. I owe her my life, and I will spend my life paying that debt.

"I won't leave your side," I mumbled, stroking her forehead and pushing her hair out of the way. "I'll stay here until you wake up. I promise."

I feel like a child once more- the neediest of children- and I am taken back to a time in my life that I had wished to never revisit. I stare down at her eyes that are closed and not staring back at me and I swallow thickly, moving my gaze from her and back to her stomach. When I focus on our child, the ache isn't as bad. Our child will have the world in their hands; they will be nurtured and given all they need and more. I will make it a point to give them everything that I never had; everything that Ana did. She has given me my childhood back. She makes me fun, playful, and blissfully ignorant of the world around me. My life has always revolved around repetitive acts, submissiveness, women, and being the CEO of my company. I have worked hard at a job and sculpting women the way I needed them.

But Ana…Ana never had to be sculpted; changed. She was perfect. She stood for what she believed in and she stood defiant against me.

And fuck, I loved her for it.

I wanted to give her the world. I had hoped that thus far, she realized that. She was a woman who deserved the world to be laid at her feet; there at her beck and call. I tried to give that to her every day, but for some reason, she acted as though all she wanted was _me. _Me, Christian…Not CEO Christian, or Playroom Christian. She wanted me and what made me happy; what satisfied me.

No one had been that selfless before. I had taught every other woman to be that way, but Ana…She had chosen it. She had chosen not to obey, but to be _devoted _and _determined _to making me happy. At her own personal cost? No…No, my Ana did not sacrifice herself…

But she worked hard to be a good wife; worked hard to remind me every moment that I am loved.

And for once in my life, it was working.

Gingerly, I bent down to kiss her forehead, and it was then that I heard it. I heard the soft moan that came from her throat. It met my ears instantly and I moved to stare down at her opened eyes. My face was close to hers; closer than it should have been for a patient first waking up, but I couldn't pull away. I placed my hand on the side of her face and fought back the sob that I had suppressed deep in my chest.

"_Christian." _

It was one word- one word from her lovely mouth- and I collapsed next to her, holding every inch of her that I could without harming her.


	6. Chapter 6

_Christian is asleep, sitting beside me and leaning on my bed with his head on his folded arms. I reach out, grateful once more that my body responds, and run my fingers through his soft hair. He startles awake, raising his head so suddenly that my hand falls weakly back onto the bed. _

_"Hi." I croak. _

_"Oh, Ana." His voice is chocked and relieved. He grasps my hand, squeezing it tightly and holding it up against his rough, stubbled cheek._

I roused to her hand on my hand, lightly brushing my scalp with her fingers. It took me only a moment's time to open my eyes and look up at her. I grabbed her hand in my own and pressed it against my cheek, feeling sorry for having made such sudden movement that it fell with a gentle thud to the bed. I pressed a kiss against her palm and then closed it, sealing the kiss there and taking in the scent of her hand. She smelt mostly of hospital, but her one, sweet fragrance was still there- barely- and lingering just as she was. My eyes were wide open as I stared at her, and my body was frozen as I awaited her next words.

"Christian." She pressed out once more, and upon the hearing of my name fall from her lips, I rested my head on the side of her hip and left a feather-light kiss there, against the hospital gown.

"I've never been so happy to hear my name." I whispered weakly, looking up to watch her reaction.

The softest of smiles graced her lips and my heart soared at the possibility that I could be the one causing her smile; it seeped with joy at the fact that it was, indeed me, that had made her smile.

"You're beautiful."

The words fell from my lips without my regard and I surveyed her kindly once more, my eyes still grey and cool, appraising her and beckoning her to respond. I could not suppress every dominant emotion inside of me, and she knew this. Her eyes told everything that I didn't need to hear, and I continued to stare at her momentarily as it dawned on me that she didn't hear those two words nearly as much as she should.

_Beautiful. _

When did I truly tell her?

Pushing back my thoughts of being a pathetic excuse of a husband and lover once more, I placed another kiss on her hand, this time on the back of it, and locked it in with a quick rub of my thumb over the spot I had caressed.

"You're finally awake," I spoke as softly as possible, keeping my voice down and leaning over her more to block out the dim lighting that was on above her bed. "Your father will be ecstatic."

"And yourself, Christian?" She asked lazily, surveying my eyes.

"I'm more than ecstatic," I mumbled, my smoldering gaze falling a bit gentler as I watched her gorgeous orbs appraise me lovingly. "I've been waiting for you to wake up for nearly two days."

The desperation in my voice is more than I wished to show; more than I want her to hear. I am still in control; she should feel as though this whole time I have been in control, but she doesn't. She knows, I am sure, that I have been falling apart, and I cannot blame the small semblance of a smile that plays across her lips at this recognition.

"You have missed me," she agrees. "But why?"

"For a variety of reasons." I slurred a bit suggestively before retreating back into the mode of caring for her, and not lusting after her.

"I've missed you too." She hardly presses out before closing her eyes once more and squeezing my hand into a firmer grasp.

"I'll take you home soon," I find myself promising her. "You'll come home to so much more than this hospital, I promise. You'll have more care."

"More?" She says slowly, tasting the word as she does every time I say it. Her eyes open and shine with adoration. "You do mean it, don't you?"

I am not sure if she is asking this as a question or merely stating that she finally understands that it is true. Either way, I decide upon nodding mutely and kissing her hand once more.

Her face suddenly falls, and for a moment I feel as though my heart has stopped. Is she in pain? Is she angry? But no, she makes no moves to flinch, and her eyes do not display the hurt that she has worn so prominently before because of me. It is soothing, but I still wonder what is wrong. I stare at her intently, urging her to tell me what is grieving her, and soon she smiles slightly and visibly relaxes- tries to, anyway.

"Is the baby okay?"

The words are not what I was expecting, and they take me aback momentarily before I recover and nod solemnly, sprawling my fingers over her stomach.

"The baby is perfectly fine." I spoke quietly, staring at her firm and flat stomach.

"Why the look then?" She contested with furrowed brows, attempting to prop herself higher against her pillows.

"Because losing you or this child," I stood and ended her struggle by helping to hold her up and prop her pillows behind her. "Would have physically and emotionally killed me, Ana."

She stared up at me with shinning eyes, her smile pure an genuine as she reached out a weak hand to grab my shirtfront.

"I love you, Christian." She mumbled against my lips when I bent down to place mine against hers.

"And I you, Ana."

Our lips met momentarily and electric sparked deep inside of me as I entangled a gentle hand in the back of her hair, pulling her closer to me for a few moments before pulling away, my breathing slightly affected and my cheeks a bit more flush than normal.

"I wouldn't want to fluster you, of all people, Mr. Grey." She joked as she rested her tired head against the pillows once more.

With a shake of my head, I sat back down next to her and stowed my hands in my pocket.

"You would never fluster me, Anastasia, but I will do my best not to inconvenience you while you are unable to act on your impulses."

With a slight blush, she closed her eyes and turned her head away from me, and it was then that I once more dropped my Dominant-stance and reached out a loving hand to her.


End file.
